Ask A Twin Mom.... (or, what not to ask.)

I'm in the process of working on an update post where I talk about my sweet girls, but I'm feeling a little more motivated to answer all the questions that twin moms seem to be bombarded with.

I'm sure all pregnant moms (or moms who have been pregnant) know that pregnancy is the time for questions and comments-- pregnancy is also the time for you to be offended by stupid things that people don't actually mean to offend you with.  Here's a few of the big questions (offensive and not) that I've been asked:

Did you want twins?

To be blunt, no, I did not want twins.  To be perfectly honest, before we got pregnant, we didn't actually want a baby at all.

Okay, okay.  You guys know me too well.  Of course I wanted a baby.  It's just that we weren't TRYING for a baby.  So I can't say we "wanted twins."

I don't know anyone who actually has twins who "wanted twins."  It's just not something you think about.  I never even considered twins as a possibility, aside from the occasional "haha, what if it's twins?" joke.

All that being said, I am SO happy to be having my twin girls.  At this point, I can't imagine it any other way!  I even catch myself thinking it's strange that people are pregnant with only ONE baby.  We are blessed to have two healthy baby girls in one go.

I have to admit that sometimes, I feel a little bit "elite" because we have twins.  I feel sort of special.  Of course, I would never tell that to the faces of any of my singleton mommies.  Being a mom is elite and special as it is... I just like thinking we're extra special.

Were they conceived naturally?

[Most] People who know me are smart enough to realize that since we weren't TRYING for babies, we obviously conceived them naturally.  However, this seems to be a question strangers think is appropriate to ask someone, whether it's ladies from church or strangers in the grocery store.

No, we were not on any fertility treatments.  We were not using Chlomid.  So yes, I either dropped two eggs or the egg we fertilized together split in two.  Naturally.

Little word of advice: Never EVER ask a woman if her twins (or her baby in general!!) were conceived naturally.  For people who struggle with fertility and conception, or for people who have a history of miscarriages, it is incredibly insensitive to ask questions like that.  You may not think it's offensive or that it affects people at all, but for people who struggled for months or years just to conceive, please don't ask if their twins were "natural."

What does it feel like being pregnant with twins?

This question was recently asked by one of my students.  The best thing I could think to say was, "it's the most awesome and most awful thing I've ever experienced."

I don't think it's possible for anyone to comprehend what it's like to pregnant at all if they've never been.  Being pregnant with twins is the same.  So please don't think I'm being rude when I have a very short answer for you.  It's really impossible to describe unless you've carried children before.

I will try my best to describe a few things to you, though...

• Yes, it DOES feel like there are aliens inside me.  And it does feel like they're trying to claw their way out.  It's not painful, though.  It's the best feeling I've ever experienced.  Kind of like if you take your thumb and rub it on your stomach at a medium pressure... only imagine it from the inside.  And I get it twice... it's awesome :)  Sometimes both at the same time!
• My organs are pressed into my ribs.  Condensed, really.  Squished as much as they'll go.  So my stomach, my lungs, my intestines... they're all still in there, but they're now occupying the same space because my uterus is taking over my insides.  So I am hungry all the time, but always full as soon as I eat.  Constantly hungry and full at the same time.  I get winded walking up a half a flight of stairs, because my lungs have no room to expand.
• I'm also always thirsty.  Always.
• I am more away of my ankles, my feet, my pelvis, and my sciatic nerve than I've ever been and [hopefully] ever will be.  They are always sore and achy.  They always feel like they are being pulled apart and stretched.
• My belly doesn't really feel that heavy.  It's there, it's huge, it sometimes gets tight... but it almost feels like a separate entity that happens to be a part of me.
• Speaking of tight... Braxton Hicks contractions are weird.  My uterus gets super tight.  Like imagine your whole stomach takes on a life of it's own and pulls into itself to form a little soccer ball.  Then just loosens back up.  No pain, just tightness.  Weird.
• I can no longer see all of my body parts that I used to be able to see.

I'm sure there's more... but that's the most I can think of for now.  I'm guessing all of what I described is the same for singleton mamas.

Are they identical, or fraternal?

Let me use this opportunity to explain the different types of twins (forgive me if I already have, blame it on pregnancy brain).

mo/mo twins are monochorionic and monoamniotic.  That means they share a sac and a placenta.  It means that their egg split but they never developed their own membrane or placenta.  They are always identical.

mo/di twins are monochorionic and diamniotic, meaning they share a placenta but are in separate sacs.  They are also identical.

di/di twins are dichorionic and diamniotic.  They have their own placentas and their own sacs.  This means they could be fraternal OR identical.  There is a 30% chance they're identical (the egg split early in conception) and a 70% chance they're fraternal (two eggs dropped).  These are the "safest" kind of twins, as they have the fewest risks.

My girls are di/di.  For some reason, people do not believe me when I tell them I don't know if they're identical or fraternal.  More often then not, people look at me like an idiot when I say the only way to know is a blood test.  Even people who have twins or are twins ask me, "are you sure?  I'm pretty sure you know if they're identical or fraternal."

I'll tell you guys right now, so you avoid any awkwardness when talking to twin moms:

• The only way to tell (without a blood test) if twins are IDENTICAL is if they are mo/mo or mo/di.
• The only way to tell (without a blood test) if twins are FRATERNAL is if they are boy/girl.

My twins are di/di girls, so they have a 30% chance of being identical.  I can't tell you more until they are born.

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I'm so lucky to have been blessed with twins.  When I imagined this post originally, I imagined it being more of a rant.  Now I'm having fun answering questions!  Though some of my answers are kind of snippy, I am happy to answer questions.  Please feel free to ask them.  Maybe I'll even blog about them :)

Oh, and don't feel bad if I (or any other pregnant lady you meet) get snippy with you.  I'm hormonal.  I'm uncomfortable.  So sometimes I snip before I think :)  Which I suppose is another symptom I should have listed above!

Be looking out for a REAL update post soon!  We started birth classes and have had so many changes and so much growth in the last few weeks since I've updated.  Stay tuned!  ;)