The Business of Being Born

Many people don't seem to understand how strongly I desire a "natural birth."

It might be kind of... I don't know... pretentious of me, but I was born to be a mom.  Ever since I was a little girl, I've wanted to be a mom.  As I grew older, I couldn't wait to get pregnant, carry my child, and most of all, experience birth.

I never, ever expected or anticipated twins.  I always just assumed everything would go exactly as I planned.  I'd get pregnant, I'd feel great and take good care of my body and exercise, I'd give birth naturally, and it'd all work out.

Now that I've got the twins, my dreams and expectations of birth are shifting dramatically.

Can I be really honest with you?  My ultimate dream for this birth: vaginal birth in a comfy bed with no chemicals or meds whatsoever.  Natural pain relief (water, massage, breathing techniques).  I want to be totally aware and totally involved in my birth.

Now let me be honest with myself.  These are twins.  There are two babies.  And so far, they're growing at normal fetal sizes and rates.  They'll more than likely be normal infant weights.  I've already accepted that I can't give birth in my dream  location, the Birthing Inn.  It is hard for me to accept, but I have gotten over it.  What I'm having trouble accepting is that since I'm going to be in a hospital, I'm going to be pricked on prodded and poked with needles, I'm going to be attached to machines and IV's, and I don't like that.  I don't want tubes and blinking lights and beeping machines; I don't want things strapped to my head.  I absolutely don't want my babies sucked out by vacuum or yanked out by forceps.

I'm trying very, very hard to accept that there may be surgery involved with delivering the twins.  That's the hardest part for me right now.  I want to see my loves when they are born,  I want to hold them.  I want to remember every moment.  I want their daddy there, I want their grandma and I want pictures and I want this special moment with my twins and my family.  I want to let my body do what it is created to do.  So it's so hard to imagine Cesarean.  My next step is accepting that they may have to be delivered that way.

The good news is, my midwives deliver at St. Joseph's, where we'll be delivering.  So I get to have one of the amazing women who are so involved in my pregnancy there to deliver my babies, with the option of the doctor and emergency services there in case I need them.  The best thing I can do is write my birth plan and hope that it can be followed as closely as possible.

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I'm currently watching The Business of Being Born, a documentary about birth and delivery in the United States and how we don't let women's bodies do what they're meant to do.  It's making me feel even more strongly that I want natural birth-- not a typical "American Birth."  I want to be aware, I want to be present.

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No matter how you're born, I can't wait to meet you, little twins.